


we have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven

by foxesjosten



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Canon Compliant, High School, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, im sorry, neils still dead, okay well its canon compliant up to this point, the todd charlie friendship we deserve, todd needs charlie and charlie needs todd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:49:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27156179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxesjosten/pseuds/foxesjosten
Summary: “What were you thinking?” Todd’s parents had asked him when they had come to pick him up from Welton. He was now the second student expelled from the school that term. The first, of course, being none other than Charlie Dalton.
Relationships: Todd Anderson & Charlie Dalton, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry (Implied)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	we have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this idea forever so let's see where i take it!

“What were you thinking?” Todd’s parents had asked him when they had come to pick him up from Welton. He was now the second student expelled from the school that term. The first, of course, being none other than Charlie Dalton. Todd wondered where Charlie had ended up after his expulsion. 

What was Todd thinking? What _was_ Todd thinking when he stood on his desk, despite Mr.Nolan’s firm orders, in a tribute to his favorite teacher and his unjust departure? He could only say that he was thinking clearly. Todd had been thinking clearly for the first time in his life when he had disobeyed Mr.Nolan. And maybe he had been thinking about Neil too.

_Neil…_ Todd tried not to think about Neil these days. He also tried to tell himself that he wasn’t actively avoiding thoughts pertaining to Neil. It wouldn’t be fair to forget Neil. But it also wasn’t fair to think about him. Todd wondered if there was anything he could have done. Was there something he could have said to stop Neil? He couldn’t imagine that Neil had always been doomed to that fate. No, they had failed Neil. Him, Charlie, Pitts, Meeks, Knox. Everyone. Everyone had failed him, the same way they had failed Mr.Keating. And as great as Todd’s one act of bravery and defiance was, he didn’t see there ever being a repeat. There was no point in passion or beauty or love without Neil. Nothing made sense without him, including poetry.

So being enrolled in yet another new school for the year didn’t make Todd feel much of anything, minus anxiety. But what difference did that make? This would go the way Welton should have gone. He would make no attachments. He would fade into the background of this school until graduation and then he would go whichever college his parents deemed fit. Maybe they would try to have him follow in Jeff’s footsteps again. Whatever they decided wouldn’t matter. Todd was done with trying to take control of his life. Too many terrible things, losing Neil and Mr.Keating, had been out of his control. What was the point in trying when you couldn’t prevent the worst?

\--

If asked before today, there wouldn’t have been many things Todd would say he missed about Welton. Sure, he missed his friends but what else was there to miss? Maybe he missed the freedom of dorming, which he no longer got, but that was about it. Of course, until today. Todd had not realized how spoiled he truly was at Welton. Things had gone to shit pretty fast there, but there were about two things that he was currently missing. One, the familiarity. He had been the new kid at Welton, but that had ended rather quickly. He wasn’t ostracized there and in a way, he felt like it would happen this time around. He’d been too lucky before. And two, small class sizes. He hadn’t been at Welton long, but he’d been there long enough to adjust to the beauty of small class sizes. Now, trying to make his way to classes and through the hallways in his new school had become a bit of a problem. No one moved fast enough. There was no one shooing them along the way there always had been in Welton. 

Walking into his third class of the day was no easier than walking into his first. Todd’s brain seemed to kick into overdrive at all of the possible scenarios. _What if there are no seats? What if I sit in someone else’s seat? What if someone talks to me? What if no one talks to me? What if the teacher makes me introduce myself?_ His hands hadn’t stopped shaking since first period.

Todd takes one last deep breath before following the line of students into his English class and finds himself about ready to choke on it when he enters the classroom. His eyes had automatically scanned the back of the room for a seat to hide in, just like always. He’d found a seat without a problem. He’d also found someone in the desk behind said seat without much of a problem. Usually, that would be nothing out of the ordinary. But normally, Charlie Dalton would not be the person sitting in the desk behind the seat that Todd was prepared to claim.

“Everyone take your seats!”

Charlie looks up at the sound of the teacher’s voice and meets Todd’s confused gaze. His mouth drops into the shape of a small ‘o’. Apparently, he hadn’t been expecting to see a familiar face either. Todd isn’t sure he can will his body to move him forward, but he also knows he isn’t ready to be scolded on his first day. He needs to keep moving.

The walk to the seat he picked is excruciating. Todd wants nothing more than to run to Charlie and berate him with questions. _What was he doing here? Why hadn’t he written to anyone? How had his parents taken the news of his expulsion? Seriously, what was he doing here?_ But Todd doesn’t have time to ask his questions right now and he isn’t too sure that Charlie could keep up anyway, given the current expression on his face. It had to be a mix of confusion and shock. It was probably the perfect mirror to Todd’s current expression. At least Charlie didn’t seem angry at the sight of him.

Todd manages to get himself to his desk of choice and by whatever rare stroke of luck he was experiencing, no one tried to kick him out of it. He had managed to claim an empty desk. Something about that eased a bit of his anxiety. The person behind him, however, had kicked up some more of it. Yes, Todd found himself anxious about the unexpected familiarity, but he also found that he felt something else. Something he hadn’t felt in weeks or months even. Excitement. Todd was excited to come face to face with Charlie. It felt like he had been sleepwalking through the last couple of weeks of his life and this surprise had woken him up. Todd was awake much earlier than expected.

A gentle hand on his back and a piece of paper shake him from his thoughts. The lesson had already started, so Todd does not dare to turn around. As badly as he wanted to see Charlie, he was still not going to let himself get in trouble on his first day. He does, however, glance down at the piece of paper on his desk. 

_We need to talk after class._

Todd agreed. There was a discussion to be had, no matter how anxious it made him feel.

-  
Class seems to drag on for years. Todd thinks that time must have stopped altogether about halfway through this class. Some of the boredom comes from knowing his talk with Charlie was coming. He wanted nothing more than for this class to end. He needed to talk to Charlie. The other boredom though, that comes from the teacher himself. There was nothing wrong with the slight man at the front of the class. His voice didn’t boom in the frightening way Todd’s father’s did. He wasn’t overly monotone or sleep inducing. He was okay, really, but he wasn’t Mr.Keating. There would never be a suitable replacement for Mr.Keating. 

As long as it does take, class finally ends. Todd barely has the time to turn around before Charlie jumps at him. “Anderson, what the _hell_ are you doing here?” 

Charlie hadn’t gotten in contact with any of the other poets after his expulsion, so it was no surprise that he had been unaware of the one that had come after his. Todd still hadn’t decided if the silence from Charlie’s end had bothered him. “I got expelled.” 

“You? You got expelled?” Charlie asks, face painted with bewilderment. Todd nods. He knows how ridiculous it sounds. He was quiet and kept to himself. How could Todd Anderson do something worthy of expulsion. “What happened?”

Todd looks around to see if anyone is looking at the pair. The teacher had been kind enough to skip an introduction, but a new student was always easy to spot. He shouldn’t care if anyone is eavesdropping and yet he can’t help it. He had already failed the whole, ‘Blend into the background’ part of his plan.

“Earth to Todd!” Charlie calls.

Todd turns back towards Charlie, feeling a new wave of anxiety threatening to pull him under. Perhaps this conversation wasn’t as good of an idea as Todd previously thought it was. “I-I have another class to get to.”

“Anderson,” Charlie starts while placing himself in Todd’s way to stop the other boy from leaving. “Todd. I’ll walk with you if you want, but we need to talk. You can’t expect me to just let this go. You came out of nowhere.”

He was right. Todd gestures for Charlie to lead the way and the two head out the door into the crowded hallway. _Not the best place for a serious conversation…_ Todd thinks to himself.

“So, what happened? How’d you end up here?” Charlie half shouts over the noise surrounding them.

“Well I sort of accidentally orchestrated a riot, according to Mr.Nolan.” Todd replies. He can still hear those exact words being shouted at him from Mr.Nolan. Well, minus the word ‘accidentally’. Nolan never believed it was any kind of accident. 

“Okay.” Charlie says shaking his head in an attempt at processing this new information. “So what actually happened? In your own words.”

“I-I don’t even really know. Nolan took over Mr.Keating’s classes until they could find a replacement, but Mr.Keating came to get the last of his stuff in the middle of class and I just felt like we owed him an explanation. They made us sign those papers, Charlie. They fired him because of what they made us do. Because of…” Todd trails off. The word, the _name_ gets caught in his throat.

“Because of Neil.” Charlie finishes for him. He looks away from Todd, pretending to take interest in maneuvering through the crowd.

If there was anyone that he could talk to Neil about, it would be Charlie. It should be Charlie. But now is not the time. Now is not the time to bring up Neil, especially in a crowded hallway. Todd chooses to ignore the way Charlie had finished his sentence and instead, he continues the story. “The next thing I know, I’m standing on my desk shouting ‘O Captain, my Captain’ and the rest just kinda followed. Nolan kept screaming at me to get down but something in me knew that I couldn’t. It was the least I could do, we could do for Mr.Keating.”

“Good shit, Anderson!” Charlie says with a smile as he pats Todd on the back, causing Todd to jump. “You know, I’m really proud of you. I wish I could’ve been there!”

Todd finds himself stopping in the middle of the hallway to gape at Charlie. He can feel people shouldering past him, but he can’t bring himself to care. Charlie’s words almost knocked all the breath out of him. “You’re-you’re proud? Of me?”

“Of course I am! A stunt like that must not have been too easy for you.” Charlie answers, still smiling.

“Y-yeah, it was hard.” Todd says, almost shuddering at the memory. Thinking about what he had done on his last day at Welton makes him more anxious than actually doing it had.

“And they expelled you for that?” Charlie asks. The lightest touch of anger begins to make its way across his face.

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s just bullshit.” Charlie rolls his eyes. 

Todd almost laughs. Almost. “That’s Welton.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Charlie says, now focusing in on Todd intently. Todd feels like Charlie had placed him under a microscope right there in the hallway with that look on his face alone. It looked like there was something important on his mind, but his face would not betray his true intentions. “What class do you have next, Todd?”

Todd takes a second to think back to the class schedule he memorized. He didn’t think he’d have anyone to show him around this new school and he knew he wouldn’t be caught dead using the map the front office had given him. Todd didn’t need a target on his back so soon. “History with uh, Peterson.”

“Great!” Charlie says, clapping a hand on Todd’s back again. This time Todd relaxes into it. “So do I. C’mon, we can walk together.”

Todd nods and keeps pace with Charlie as they speed up. The two walk in silence the rest of the way and a new feeling begins to settle over Todd. It isn’t exactly peace, but it combats his anxiety. Being with Charlie, his friend, is easy. Todd feels at ease for the first time today. He seems to have been woken up early from the trance he had slipped into. Once again, he was ahead of schedule.

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this in my drafts forever tbh i was trying to finish it in one go, which hasn't really worked SO i'm hoping that posting some of it will motivate me to finish it. i hope you guys enjoy!!!
> 
> follow me on social media!  
> twitter- strayminhos & foxesboyd  
> tumblr- weltonboys & foxesjostens  
> curiouscat- strayminhos


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